Wednesday, November 19, 1997

Mick Fleetwood

Harris: We're happy to welcome back to our guest line Mick Fleetwood, who about a year ago was on with us and I said, "How are things going, are you in touch with the rest of the band?" And he said, "Yeah, Lindsey and I have been working on something and we've been talking to the other three about maybe getting back together again, maybe touring, maybe doing a new album." Six months later there they are, out on the road again, and that tour is going to end at the end of this month right here in our town. He joins us live from Chicago now. Hi, Mick!

Fleetwood: Hi, Paul!

Harris: Welcome back to the show. How's the tour been for you?

Fleetwood: It's been fantastic. It's sort of a musician's dream in terms in terms of it couldn't really be any better. Just the reception the band has gotten on the road and certainly the attendance. It's a sold-out tour for all intents and purposes and we had a #1 album with the album, so it's almost ridiculous. We're having a great time, the band's playing better than ever.

Harris: You were at the Nissan Pavilion just a few weeks ago and you're going to finish the tour here in town. I looked up this statistic: by the time you guys finish you will have played before 800,000 people on this tour alone. That's a nice feeling to get back out there and see a standing "O" at the end of the night from three-quarters of a million people.

Fleetwood: Yeah, it is. We've been lucky with the weather. We've only had one outdoor gig was fine...but it was just about only possible to do it in terms of the cold.

Harris: How are the inner dynamics of the band after all these years? Are you still pals as you come to the end of this tour?

Fleetwood: Absolutely, it's fantastic. The whole work ethic of how this thing happened came from the inside out versus the guy sitting with the big suitcase full of money saying, "Come with me," which had been tried a couple of times to no avail. I think because we had spent time in the studio. Me and Lindsey had a great more or less a year in the studio, which was a surprise to both of us. During this time the rest of the band came in in groups. John did some bass stuff, Chris did some keyboards on the work that Lindsey was intent on doing. Lindsey produced a track for Stevie for the Twister film that I played on with Lindsey. So, we all truly convened musically before any business or any such thing was really discussed.

Harris: Have there been any weird moments with the interpersonal stuff? You didn't walk into Stevie's dressing room and see Lindsey in there and say, "Whoa, wait, hold on a second, not again!"

Fleetwood: No. It's no secret to everyone that the whole band has at one point been emotionally involved as partners. Was it easy? No, we had some rough times in years gone by just like people would have. When you break up with someone, you normally get a little breathing space so you can come back and have a good friendship. That's the best thing that can come out of a broken relationship, that eventually you will be a friend to that person.

Harris: I would think there would be a lot less stress on this tour with none of the turmoil going on.

Fleetwood: Yeah, we're in a whole different emotional place. We're all still very much our own characters in terms of the players in the play and we're also more at ease with ourselves as individuals. Certainly there has to be a humor to the thing and it's a good humor.

Harris: It's easier to look back?

Fleetwood: The journey we've all been on together, you couldn't write a story like this. You would say, "I don't believe it" or, "It's not possible" or, "They could not possibly play music together."

Harris: Mick, I'm looking at the cover of the Rolling Stone that came out when you guys got back together again and it says, "The Lovingest, Fightingest, Druggingest Band of the Seventies Comes Back." Does that describe Fleetwood Mac anymore?

Fleetwood: No, not really. It's making comment to an era that has past. I think the testimony's no different than anyone else's life, maybe a little more extreme and a little more compressed. It is an act of survival and hopefully coming through it with your scruples and being able to reflect and learn from things that have happened in the past and not just sit there like a dodo repeating them which from time to time human beings tend to do. This is certainly a nice testimony that is very well tested. In terms of what we're doing now, this has been complete pleasure. It's got all the sorts of opportunities available for the individuals. Whether we take them or not is somewhat debatable. The great thing is that this band has really truly resolved so many things and been out on the road being very vital and to know that the whole gypsy thing that bands are is still intact. It doesn't feel like the dreaded "reunion" word. It feels very vibrant. I think that's something we liked to enjoy when we were in rehearsals. At that point we knew we would be doing the MTV thing...

Harris: And you were really cooking on that thing. You guys looked like you were really happy to be back together and playing these songs and I guess playing the whole tour has been that kind of feeling. Are you changing the show much from set to set? For instance, if somebody saw you out at the Pavilion and now they go again to see you at the Arena, are there any changes?

Fleetwood: No, it's pretty much the same show. The songs are the same, but there are some songs that are completely different every night, very different. A song called Not That Funny is basically a jam session that me, John, and Lindsey do together, but it's the same show. Earlier on during the tour, we changed it around a bit here and there, but the band played really well on MTV and we were really pleased with the way we played. Having said that, doing whatever number of gigs we did, this is a very well-oiled musical machine now.

Harris: Hey Mick, there's a listener of ours, Doug, from Walkersville, Maryland, who went to the show here at Nissan in August and was talking about you drumming on yourself. He wanted to know if you would be doing this at the next show and he forgot what song that was. What's this drumming on yourself?

Fleetwood: That was on Not That Funny. It's sort of a mutated drum solo where I have, for all intents and purposes, a drum vest. I have electronic, touch-sensitive pads that are very, very dynamic. They're not like normal drum pads that are slightly mundane. These have a lot of dynamics in them. And yeah, I'm feeling myself up basically. I have one on my crotch and four on my chest.

Harris: That one on the crotch, do you save that for just the finale? Is that a one-shot deal?

Fleetwood: That gets quite a few things pushed through it. Some heavy-breathing modules, I go through this whole breathing thing. It's sort of Mick-lunacy and I've been doing bits and pieces of that same type of thing. I always program and come up with a whole new scenario of sounds that get fed to me. It's all in real time. I'm playing it, but I give signals and they give me another five. I go through three or four different sound setups.

Harris: So you might hit the same place twice and it won't sound the same.

Fleetwood: Exactly.

Harris: Gotcha, gotcha. So now you're in Chicago and you're not working tonight, what are you going to do? Does the band hang out together on a night off like this?

Fleetwood: Yeah. We're all going out to dinner in about an hour. In fact the note just came under my door prior to this interview. It's not the end of the tour, but it's not far off so we're taking the road crew out to dinner at a nice place.

Harris: And I also understand you're working on a Rumours tribute album that you're producing but the band won't be performing on. It's other bands doing your stuff, right?

Fleetwood: Yeah, it's going very well. I'm basically overseeing it. I'm not actually producing the bands that are on it. I had been available to do that, but my wish and desire was to have then do their own full-on interpretations of the specific songs on the Rumours album. So we've got a lot of great bands. Jewel's done a track, Elton John's done a track, Matchbox 20.

Harris: Did you get that Courtney Love version of Gold Dust Woman?

Fleetwood: No. There was an issue, which is fine. It's almost more appropriate that someone else will do another version of it.

Harris: For people who don't know what I'm talking about, in the movie The Crow: City of Angels, which was the sequel to the original Crow, Courtney Love and Hole do Gold Dust Woman. You liked that version a lot didn't you?

Fleetwood: Yeah I did, I thought it was really spunky.

Harris: But the movie company wouldn't give it up?

Fleetwood: No, they wouldn't give it up. But in retrospect I'm sort of glad because it opens up another facet in terms of having another interpretation of the song.

Harris: When will that be out?

Fleetwood: It will be out next year. We're not sure exactly. We're trying to set it so that it all fits in with what the Mac are doing. It's going to be a phenomenal album.

Harris: Is there going to be a new Fleetwood Mac album? Are the five of you writing new songs and are going to put together something new?

Fleetwood: That's all part of the options, any thing from road option to recording option and also to do-nothing option. I think the motto of today is just really to have an acceptance of that this has been fantastic. It's been more than any of us expected in terms of the reception and the way the project has gone and we can feel very comfortable with that. We're going to just finish up this tour and see what next year will bring in terms of commitments.

Harris: Well keep us posted, and good luck. The rest of the tour is a breeze from here. You're coming to town to close it out on November 30th. Congratulations on this phenomenal year and we appreciate you coming back on with us.

Fleetwood: You're very welcome!

Copyright 1997, Paul Harris.
Transcript by Doug Houser.

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Friday, November 07, 1997

Bob Greene

Harris: Bob Greene is absolutely one of the best columnists in America. He writes several times a week for the Chicago Tribune, and has just come out with his 17th book, Chevrolet Summers and Dairy Queen Nights. It is a pleasure to have you back, Bob.

Greene: Thanks very much. I appreciate it.

Harris: Before we get to the new book, let's talk about something we talked about last time you were on, when you had written another one of your Michael Jordan books. How is the thirty six million dollar man?

Greene: Well, people are thinking that this may be his last year. As a matter of fact I just wrote a column about that for next week. People are trying to figure out how to react to this, because it's been a run unlike any sports team has ever had and few sports teams anywhere. There is a strange sort of bittersweet feel in the United Center, because people feel that whether they win it or not, this is it.

Harris: Is that because they feel that way about the Bulls or because it is Jordan's last year?

Greene: Well, because it's going to be Jordan's last year and because the Bulls have made it very clear that Phil Jackson is not welcome back, even though he has brought them five championships. It's a very odd feeling, and I think it will get even odder, and come June when the playoffs are in full's got almost a funeral feel to it and yet there is still the same excitement. For a town that didn't even know how to accept the fact that they had a winning basketball team, it's just very odd.

Harris: How does Michael feel about that? You must talk to him about this every once in awhile?

Greene: That's why I try and wean myself from going out there so much, but he's said all along that he wants to go out when he's at the very top. He did it once when the baseball was going on and against all odds, showed that he could still do it. But what Jordan has always said is that the worst thing for him would be for him to sense that the people in the stands think that he had lost a step or that Phil Jackson would take him out. It is a different game than he has ever played. You watch and you do realize that he is not flying through the air any more. He has reinvented himself once again.

Harris: Do you think he's the kind of guy that would do a Kareem Abdul Jabbar-like goodbye tour or at the end of the season say, "Okay, I'm just going to sell my cologne, run my businesses, and work for Nike and that will be it?"

Greene: He does not want to go around the league and have people give him gifts. He finds something not seemly about that. If there is anybody in the world who does not need a goodbye gift, it's Michael Jordan. We were driving through Sarasota, Florida, once when he was trying out for major league baseball, and he was driving a Stingray, a Corvette. He said that he had mentioned that he might want to have one and Chevrolet sent him down one and let him drive it around in Florida. The irony was not lost on him, that there are so many people who can't even get a car, and here's Jordan who has all the cars he wants, and people are just giving them to him.

Harris: Unbelievable. Let's talk about the new book and going from Corvettes to Chevrolet Summers is a nice segue here.

Greene: Didn't mean to do that.

Harris: First of all, it's a great title, Chevrolet Summers and Dairy Queen Nights. Something that certainly every American can identify with. And reading through the book, this is a wonderful piece of Americana again, Bob, I don't know how you do it. There are shocking stories in here and there are wonderful heart-warming stories that give me that warm goose bumpy-feeling, too. Then again, you have stories like the one about the naked guy.

Greene: Well, Chevrolet Summers and Dairy Queen Nights is made up of the columns people tell me are up on their refrigerator door or put in the drawer in the kitchen for a while, the ones that are not just about that day's news. The Naked Guy...just because the people listening are wondering what in the hell you're talking about...

Harris: It's a story we talked about on the air. It's a kid out at Berkeley who went to school naked.

Greene: Yeah! There was a thing in the paper about it, about how the naked guy was suing the university or was considering suing it. What happened was he was expelled for going to class without any clothes. And you would think, well of course, if you don't wear clothes to class you can not be in school. But, Berkeley could not find any rules to keep this guy out of their classroom. Finally, when they did throw him out of school the great fear was he would sue them. You had parents of freshmen, eighteen year old boys and girls, young men and women, who go away to college and sitting in the next seat is a naked guy. I mean, this guy wore nothing to class. So, I had two columns about the naked guy where he tried to explain to me why he did this.

Harris: And it took them months to get him out of there.

Greene: Yeah, they couldn't figure out a legal reason to expel him from the university. And I'm thinking, well let's see, he's going to class naked! And they said they had nothing in the rules against it. Could you imagine you're the parent of a college freshman and you call and say, "My son or daughter has a naked man in the next chair!" and they say "We can't find any conceivable way to throw him out"? And everyone's in great fear of him ending up owning the university be cause he'll sue them for throwing him out for no good reason except he goes to class naked.

Harris: That's right. Another great column that you put in here, which I first read in the paper and I'm glad you included, is about the cool hotel in Los Angeles that you stayed at but you felt like the uncoolest man in America.

Greene: I checked into a hotel and it was so cool. Every thing about it. Every body was wearing boxing trunks and it was the coolest people in the world. When you check in the hotel, in the room, was a magazine about the 100 coolest people in L.A. So I did a column about being so uncool in this hotel. I was afraid I'd be found out and thrown out. Like the naked guy wasn't.

Harris: What I like about it is, you're like me, you're a burger-and-shake kind of a guy and this was a hotel where there was no chance of you getting either of those things.

Greene: No, it was just so cool. You go to this hotel, and it was very nice, and I felt sort of unworthy the whole time. I did go across the street to a record store, I guess they call it a CD store. My antidote for all this, I bought a repackaged collection of the same fifteen Beach Boys songs I've been buying since 1965.

Harris: Which they just keep repackaging.

Greene: Yeah, I bought another one. I'm just grateful they're repackaging. I took it back to the cool hotel, because clearly they all have CD players in the rooms.

Harris: One thing that's not in the book, but you wrote about this week, is your idea for a postage stamp lottery. What is that?

Greene: Yeah. Actually I'm glad we're talking about that because the postal service is right within your listening area. I got an idea to raise money for the government. All you have to do is...people love lotteries, the postal service is always in need of money, first class stamp prices are always going up, so what if we had a lottery for fifty cents or a dollar and the prize was not money, but for a year you get to have your picture on the front of a postage stamp. Only one person, and for a year if you win the lottery, you're on a first class stamp for awhile. What it could do is, the lottery could bring in enough money that they could guarantee us the first class stamp isn't going up for awhile. But they point out all the reasons they can't do it. For instance, there's a regulation that only dead people can be on stamps.

Harris: So why can't we send in pictures of our grandparents?

Greene: Well, they could change the rules. When they shot that down I got another idea, which I just put out in the column, which is, what if the postal service sold advertising space on the front of stamps?

Harris: Do we want that, Bob?

Greene: Well, I don't know if we want it or not, but if Coca-Cola or McDonald's bought a first class stamp maybe the price would go down! You know, it's not like we're not living in a totally commercial country anyway. I got the feeling the postal service is getting a little sick of hearing from me calling and asking about these things, but I'm just trying to help the government raise a little money.

Harris: But, here's my problem with your idea for advertising on stamps. That takes away from the one place advertising should be, and that's on our show.

Greene: And that's your segue? What if the naked guy won the lottery?

Harris: Oh man, we'd be in trouble. It's a terrific book, Chevrolet Summers and Dairy Queen Nights, by Bob Greene, published by Viking. When we come to the holiday season and you're looking for something to give people that they are going to read and tell other people about, this is the book to get.

Greene: Thanks for saying that.

Harris: My pleasure, Bob. Always great to have you on. Thanks so much.

Greene: See you next time!

Copyright 1997, Paul Harris.
Transcript by Sue Gaegler

Wednesday, November 05, 1997

Brett Leake

Harris: And I'm joined on the guest microphone now by comedian Brett Leake, who last year stepped in at the last minute to give a terrific performance at The Paul Harris Comedy Concert for Children's Hospital and who is in town tonight to work at The Improv. On his way to The Improv, he was able to work his way through traffic to get to our studio. I appreciate that, considering you're coming up from Richmond.

Leake: Thank you, delighted to be with you. Yeah, I came up from Richmond. I don't understand the road rage. It's getting out of hand on the beltway. Why are people in such a hurry? There's nothing going on. Slow down! They're waiting for you to get there so you might have plan. Here's what you do. You don't fight road rage, you go ahead and use it to your advantage. Let's say you want to get into the right lane. Put your blinker on to the left and when people go to cut you off, the right lane is empty! That is genius with a J, Paul.

Harris: You're always thinking. That's why we like you.

Leake: I'm a thinking man. Here's something else I saw on the way up here. This window tinting craze has gotten out of hand with all the colored mirrored glass. It really looks silly on a little car. The Ford Festiva limousine? I wonder which leggy starlet will be stepping out of this hatchback. If you spend all this money to look cool, you have wasted your money because we can't see through the tinting to tell that it's you!

Harris: That's a very good point.

Leake: Thank you, Paul. There are some things that are funny and some things that are just very good points. That was a very good point, Brett Leake, thanks for coming up to give us good points. I don't understand all the features on my car. My car has a warning light for the battery. When the battery's weak the light comes on...draining the remaining energy from the car. If the light goes out the battery's stronger...or dead! You make the call. My cruise control has a decelerate button. I can slow down without the brake lights coming on. I know that's a feature the cars behind me appreciate. "Honey that guy we've been following is coming right at us! Lose him, we're being followed from the front!"

Harris: So you don't think that Detroit and Tokyo are working for our greater benefit?

Leake: They're not doing me any favors, let me tell you, mister. I say get off my back. On a long trip the passenger gets more tired than the driver. So next time you're nodding off at the wheel, think how fortunate you are. In my car we put the sleepiest person behind the wheel, that keeps everybody awake. On the way in, I saw a Salvation Army eighteen-wheeler. Who gave them that? I gave them a belt. Who gave them a truck for heaven's sake? I want my belt back! Those guys are loaded. Back to you guys, you can gripe about something.

Harris: Brett Leake is at the Improv tonight and Friday and Saturday. What happened to Thursday night?

Leake: A corporate group thought that another comedian would be more appropriate, so I'm going to go home and read a book.

Harris: Another comedian who we all know by the name of Bob Somerby got the gig.

Leake: Bob stinkin' Somerby gets everything. Sure he's funny, but give me a chance! Brett Leake wants to tell a funny line every once in a while!

Harris: What will your topic of conversation be?

Leake: We are going to have a lot of laughs tonight, it's going to be a funny show. I'm going to do the 'A' material this time, no more fooling around. When I start getting pulled from shows for Bob Somerby, I turn it up a notch. You are going to get some quality entertainment if you come down and bear with me one more time. Here comes showtime. Here comes professional show business. Thank you, Steve Martin. Sometimes the audiences even in DC, as cosmopolitan as it is, require a little set-up to me. I have a type of muscular dystrophy. Unless you're a Christian Scientist, in which case I'm a hypochondriac. As soon as you get my mind straight, my body will follow. I'm working on it. It's an important part of my life but I don't complain about important things because I don't have the little things figured out yet. There's an expiration date on cheese like if it goes bad it's our fault. Why was it aged for eight years if it's not going to make it through two weeks in my refrigerator? I've got an idea. Age it for seven, give me the extra year! You can't tell when Limburger goes bad -- it stinks when you buy it. Buy it and throw it away immediately. It went bad in the cow, for Pete's sake. Things are getting out of hand because even bottled water has an expiration date on it! Okay, I'll play. What's going to happen to bottled water, turn to tap? H-3-O? We get a lot of our bottled water from Canada, isn't that a neat trick? We create their acid rain, they put it in a bottle and sell it back to us. I say we can take 'em. And while we're up there, we'll fix their bacon. It's ham and it's expired. Here's the problem with American bottled water. That screw pattern on the top of the bottle is the same one you find on a hose. I think I've located the spring! It's on the side of my house! Bottled hose water?! I could have made this from scratch.

Harris: So you're saying it's all a big scam.

Leake: That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what's hiding behind these numbers. Talk about useless numbers, how about that cash value on coupons of 1/100 of a cent? Well, come to Poppa! Four hundred thirty more and I'll have a nickel. Here's what you do. Use them as currency. They say it's currency, so play along. Gasoline costs a dollar twenty five point nine? Impress the attendant with exact change -- a dollar, quarter and 90 Velveeta coupons. Tip the attendant! "These three are for you, get something nice. It's for cheese, you better hurry."

Harris: Brett is one of the smarter people to guest on our show.

Leake: That doesn't say much for the other guests. I will certainly avoid those people.

Harris: You actually recoiled when I said that.

Leake: I did, I don't like being referred to as smart.

Harris: Why is that?

Leake: Because you learn some things about the brain that are absolutely fascinating. Do you know we only use 3% of the brain and yet over 50% of our body heat escapes through the head? You know what that means? If we were any smarter we'd be freezing! What kind of choice is that, smart and cold or dumb and hot? All I know is that if I get chilly, I do something stupid fast. There's 3% working for you, Paul. I don't need the other 99%. Hey, another math joke! Come on, fellas, stay with me.

Harris: I never understood the whole heat escaping from the head thing. Putting a hat on, how is that going to make your legs feel warm? It doesn't warm me up. I don't get that whole thing. And as a balding man, I'm particularly concerned about this.

Leake: You've burned off a few follicles, haven't you?

Harris: You know, that's what it is. Too smart!

Leake: You're a brainy guy, aren't you, Paul? And your smart guest can't keep up with you. You're not running up to 4%. This is the fella with 4% over here. This is MISTER 4!

Harris: Oh sure, Mr. Show-off.

Leake: School was not a pretty sight for Brett Leake. Science fair projects? My mom got an A. She waited till the last night. I told her to get on it! "Mom, the other mothers have already started." I felt bad for the kids that failed history class, because if history repeats itself, they're going to get another F. I got a C in Latin. I thought that was bad until I looked it up in Roman numerals. One hundred! Swish! That explains all those X's on my paper, each an additional ten points. Smokin'! Ooh, 2% of the brain, I'm dropping fast.

Harris: I took Latin in high school and I never realized that. Never did the math myself.

Leake: I was amazed that people would actually cheat off me in summer school. Do they not know how I got in here? Make your own F, not mine! Are they afraid they're going to get a G? Only class I did well in was English, my hand writing was so bad they couldn't tell I was wrong. "I before E except after C?" Is that your puny rule? I'll dot 'em both! Sure they caught on, but then I put one dot in between. Two wrongs do make a right. Hey, look who's back up to 3% of his brain! I went to college, I got a degree in economics. So when I'm out of work I can figure out why. You know what I never did? I never used college-ruled paper because it did no good at all.

Harris: Is that the one with the pink line down the side?

Leake: I'll tell you all about it right now, you just sit tight, mister. College-ruled paper, I never would have used this in college, it did no good at all. It's 3 in the morning, I have a ten-page paper due by 8, I am not using paper with more lines on it. I used elementary school tablets -- 4 lines, 10 pages, 23 words. It looked like flash cards going by. Look who's running his brain up to 5%! Thinking Man!

Harris: Yeah! I'm glad you came in this afternoon.

Leake: Use 4% of your brain and come to see Brett, not 2% of your brain and see Bob Somerby. You understand?

Harris: Battle of the brainiacs, and you were here! Thanks, Brett.

Copyright 1997, Paul Harris.
Transcript by Doug Houser.

Monday, November 03, 1997

Wendy Liebman

Harris: We are happy to welcome the woman who will be headlining The Paul Harris Comedy Concert For Children's Hospital on December 8th, a woman who was named Funniest Standup Comic at the American Comedy Awards. Here's Wendy Liebman. Hi, Wendy!

Liebman: Am I the fifth caller?

Harris: You are! Come down and get your t-shirt. Congratulations!

Liebman: Thank you.

Harris: So, how have you been, where have you been, what are you up to?

Liebman: Well, let's see. I'm in L.A. now as you know and no earthquakes. I was in Hawaii.

Harris: Wow.

Liebman: Yeah, I know, beautiful. I didn't know that the show Hawaii 5-0, was because Hawaii was the 50th state. Did you know that?

Harris: I thought it was the police department there.

Liebman: So did I. Well, it was my favorite show, other than Hazel and Arnie, but now I am dating myself, aren't I. But, I got my first bikini because I went to Hawaii.

Harris: Good for you.

Liebman: It's a three piece. It's a top, a bottom, and a blindfold for you. And you can't see, but I don't have much of a tan...because it was raining in the tanning salon. Oh, then I was in Alaska.

Harris: Really?

Liebman: Sorry, make that "Alaska 4-9." I don't know what Washington is. Washington isn't anything is it?

Harris: We're "Washington DC, not quite 5-1."

Liebman: "Washington Zero."

Harris: We're between zero and infinity, we're not quite sure what it is.

Liebman: Infinity, I think that's what it is. No, you're pi! No, but I was in Alaska 4-9 and I was there for 2 days...and 6 nights.

Harris: [laughs]

Liebman: And I can't believe you got that. It was so cold there, you guys, that I saw a dog wearing a cat. I stayed at the One Season Hotel because it was so cold.

Harris: Ooh, that's the four star one, isn't it?

Liebman: Yeah, but only one season. They didn't clean the rooms, they just defrosted them. That's how cold it was.

Harris: Can you even go outside there?

Liebman: Yeah, but you have to keep your tongue inside your mouth or it will stick to anything.

Harris: Well, how did we find that out?

Liebman: Don't ask! Don't ask, don't tell.

Harris: All right, fine.

Liebman: Then I was in Minneapolis. I've been traveling a lot. Oh, my god I'm tired. I was at the Mall of America, have you been there?

Harris: No.

Liebman: They have a ferris wheel at that mall, they have a wedding chapel at that mall. A couple was getting married and they went to the Gap on their honeymoon.

Harris: Uh huh, very nice.

Liebman: That was a joke. Do you have a big mall there?

Harris: We have tons of malls. We have the Beltway and then outside the Beltway, we have a ring of malls.

Liebman: Well, I don't stereotype, but like most women, I love to shop...lift. No, I would never shoplift...again. I won't even take the towels from the hotels...unless they're paper. Even then, I feel a little guilty. You know, I'm from Roslyn.

Harris: Yes, Wendy and I grew up in the same town on Long Island.

Liebman: That's amazing.

Harris: That's the reason we're having you on the show this year because you and I have this deep-seeded thing that goes back 15-16 years ago.

Liebman: Oh really? I thought it was because I was funny!

Harris: Well, that too.

Liebman: I didn't know you in high school, did I?

Harris: You were actually in my brother's class.

Liebman: He was a year younger than I am. I had the most typical high school romance. I was a cheerleader...and he was on the faculty.

Harris: How did that work out?

Liebman: Good. "Go, Mr. Jamison!!" No, at this point I have never been married. I'm 36 years old and my father is offering a rebate...because he wants me to stop using his name. My mother wants me to marry a doctor...because she needs the medication. And I myself could use the kitchen appliances. And so I am actually thinking of getting married. You know, you guys, I am on the Keenen Ivory Wayans show this evening.

Harris: Is that right?

Liebman: I don't know what time it's on.

Harris: It airs here at 11:00pm.

Liebman: Okay.

Harris: You don't need to know what time it's on, you just need to know what time it tapes.

Liebman: I already taped it on Friday, but I had the flu.

Harris: So, they delayed it a day before it aired for your flu?

Liebman: No, no. I think they tape it a day in advance. And then they edit it and stuff. It's a great, great show.

Harris: It's the hot late-night show.

Liebman: Is it?

Harris: It's getting huge numbers here in town.

Liebman: Well, he is such a sweetheart and he has always been a fan of mine...and I owe him $20.

Harris: Well, that's...

Liebman: It couldn't have been a better experience and the audience was so amazing that they actually laughed before each punchline. So they were psychic as well as amazing.

Harris: That's like a Dionne Warwick audience then.

Liebman: Exactly. LaToya was there...and Kenny Kingston.

Harris: My god! Talk about pulling names out of late night infomercials.

Liebman: Well, I stay up late at night, because I'm a night person. Actually, that's one of the reasons that my last boyfriend and I broke up. We were incompatible in that way. I was a night person...and he didn't like me.

Harris: [laughs]

Liebman: You're the best audience. I just worked in New York City at Caroline's in Times Square. While I was there, I saw the show Tommy. Have you guys seen it? Well, I had really bad seats. I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear him, couldn't feel him...I got nothing.

Harris: [laughs]

Liebman: I love you, I love you for laughing at that.

Harris: There you go! We love her -- thanks Wendy!

Liebman: Thank you, Paul!

Copyright 1997, Paul Harris.
Transcript by Philip Egenthal.