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Tuesday, September 30, 1997

Brian Regan

Harris: Joining me on our guest line now is one of my favorite comedians, the guy who headlined the first Paul Harris Comedy Concert For Children's Hospital, and has a brand new CD, here's comedian Brian Regan. Hey, Brian, congratulations on the CD.

Regan: Thank you very much, Paul!

Harris: I'm not only congratulating you on the CD but also the title of the CD, Brian Regan Live. See, I like that because you could have named it something silly like Wow That Hippo is Big, or something silly where nobody would be able to find it.

Regan: I had so many different things. I jotted down about 75 to 100 different ideas for titles. Isn't that weird that I would end up with Brian Regan Live? It's the best of the hundred that I came up with.

Harris: But it's fine, absolutely. It works perfectly.

Regan: What I wanted to do is avoid one of those goofy titles. They did an episode on The Simpsons one time where Homer Simpson and his friends wanted to name their bowling team something that was like a funny name. And they said "Let's name it something that's real funny the first time you hear it, and then sort of funny the second time, and then it's never funny ever again."

Harris: Exactly.

Regan: So I wanted to avoid that.

Harris: I think you have with Brian Regan Live. Ask for it by name.

Regan: Actually one thing that I almost called it...I have a tag line after the "you too" joke, when you say "you too" at the wrong time. Well, I have a tag line at the end of that bit where I say "Don't anybody look at me, I'm a moron. Don't anybody look at me, I feel like an idiot. Somebody throw a tarp over me." I thought I had said that on the CD and my brother Dennis, who is also a comedian, said "Why don't you call it Somebody Throw a Tarp Over Me?" So I thought, "That's kind of funny." I was thinking about using that as the title and then I listened to the bit and I hadn't said it in the CD. Can you imagine?

Harris: Good thing you didn't go that way then. You know, I was thinking about you this weekend. I was flipping around between football games on Sunday afternoon and ESPN or some channel was doing an Evel Knievel special.

Regan: Oh, man.

Harris: And I know how much you love Evel Knievel.

Regan: I've always been a huge Evel Knievel fan. One thing that I think is interesting is whenever he does the talk shows. He's older now, he doesn't jump so he just does the talk shows circuit, which I think is cool. Everytime he does one they want to show him the footage of him when he fell off the motorcycle and bounced around like 83 times. And they always ask him, "Hey, do you remember that day, Evel?" "No, no I don't remember." And they always ask him what he was thinking right before he hit the ground. What kind of question is that? "What were you thinking right before you hit the pavement, Evel?" "Oh, I remember thinking, hey, did I turn off the iron.? Then my leg cracked in half and I was thinking, hey, maybe I should get a puppy. What do you think I was thinking? I was thinking AAAAAAH!!! or something like that."

Harris: And that's quite a legacy Evel has left to his son Robbie Knievel. You know, he's jumping now.

Regan: Yes, I know. You know what I heard? I heard from another comedian that Evel Knievel heard me do that joke on a TV show, and somebody said he was looking for me.

Harris: You're kidding!

Regan: Well, I hope he realizes that I'm on his side and the joke makes fun of how stupid the questions are. And then the comic said that he tried to explain it to him but he didn't really take it that way. He thought I was making fun of him.

Harris: I think you could take him anyway, Brian. After all, the man's broken all his bones a million times.

Regan: Well, if he's out there listening, I like Evel Knievel. I'm a Knievel supporter. I'm a fan of Evel Knievel. I've got to cover all my bases here, you understand.

Harris: Gotcha. Are you into the baseball playoffs? Are you a baseball player? Did you ever play any ball?

Regan: Did I play? Yeah, I played a little bit. I don't know how good I was. I played out in right field. Is that any good?

Harris: I don't think so. Are we talking Little League here?

Regan: Yeah, when I was in Little League. You're a kid. You don't know, you just show up. The coach asks, "You any good?" And you say, "I don't know, my mom told me to come out here." "Well, get out in right field." So you run out to right field, and I never knew what was going on out there. All I knew was that the coach would yell from the dugout, "Hey guys, let's hear some chatter out there. Let's hear some chatter." What are we, rabbits? [Rabbit noises] If you don't know what chattering is, it's saying, "Hey batter batter." I don't think I ever felt like more of an idiot in my whole life. I'm going "Hey batter batter, hey batter! Hey coach, is there a point to this?" What is the batter going to go, "Hey fielder fielder"? It's ridiculous. Are you going to apply that later in life? "Hey lawyer lawyer! Hey lawyer lawyer! Sue! Hey bus driver! Drive! Shift, bus driver, shift!"

Harris: I would pay to turn on the playoffs tonight or tomorrow and see somebody doing that out on the field. You know, see Barry Bonds shouting back during the Giants game. That would be hysterical.

Regan: You know what I think is weird too, is that you've got the Braves in the playoffs. You know that whole controversy over the Tomahawk Chop? Do you remember a few years ago when the Braves were playing against the Blue Jays? You had all the Braves fans going "oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh." I felt bad for the Blue Jays fans going "tweet, tweet." I don't care if it's 50,000 of 'em. It's just not the same.

Harris: No. Brian, funny as always. The CD is called Brian Regan Live. Simple, direct and to the point. Ask for it by name.

Copyright 1997, Paul Harris.
Transcript by Doug Houser.

Friday, September 12, 1997

Ken Shamrock, Ultimate Fighting Champion

Harris: Joining us now live on our guest microphone is Ken Shamrock, who has the title of "Ultimate Fighting Champion" and "The World's Most Dangerous Man." Hi, Ken.

Shamrock: Thanks for having me.

Harris: I now have the title of "Man Who Once Interviewed The World's Most Dangerous Man." How do you get the title of "World's Most Dangerous Man?"

Shamrock: I was featured in a CBS special where they had the world's most dangerous events and most dangerous job and they also had the world's most dangerous man. And I wasn't sure when they first called me and said, "We want to do an interview with the world's most dangerous man." And I'm thinking, "I don't know, it doesn't sound too good, like I'm a vicious guy or something." I said, "Well, what are you guys going to be doing this about?" And so they basically wanted to show the lighter side of Ken Shamrock and then show me in the ring fighting in the Ultimate Fighting Championship, which is brutal. So, they did that and did a very good piece on it, and I got the nickname, The World's Most Dangerous Man.

Harris: How do you go on step number one on the road to becoming the World's Most Dangerous Man or even the Ultimate Fighting Champion? Is it kind of like Superman? Were you once the World's Most Dangerous Boy? And that series did okay and then you move on?

Shamrock: Well, it was something like that where people didn't really want anything to do with me when I was a kid.

Harris: How did you get involved in Ultimate Fighting? And let's just clear up for people what Ultimate Fighting is. You can do anything in the ring except what Mike Tyson did in the last fight, right?

Shamrock: Yeah, Mike Tyson broke the rules, every event. Basically the rules are no eye gouging, no biting, but everything else you can do.

Harris: You can kick, you can thump, you can do any physical damage you can do. What do you have to do, you don't have to kill them, what is the objective? To make them leave the ring?

Shamrock: Yeah, with their heads between their legs. Basically you have three ways of losing: you get knocked out, you either tap out or your corner guy throws in the towel.

Harris: And everybody did this with you. Now, how big a guy are you?

Shamrock: I'm about 230 pounds and about 6 foot.

Harris: I could take you. I could take you right here.

Shamrock: You know what? I would let you because I ain't giving you any money.

Harris: Have you been in situations like that before, where people have taken you on and then the lawsuit came?

Shamrock: No. Actually I did when I was at a younger age, but as I got older, I got wiser and realized that when people come up to someone who is a professional fighter and decide they want to try and kick his butt, it's a no win situation for me and a win-win situation for them. They kick my butt and they get a reputation. I kick their butt and they get lots of money.

Harris: Right, and besides that, there's no way for you to come out looking positive. Because if they kick your butt, it's "Oh, you're really Mr. World's Most Dangerous Man," and if you kick their butt it's, "Well, that guy was smaller than you, so of course you kicked his butt."

Shamrock: Right and then I get to pay him millions of dollars after that.

Harris: Now I realize that I have been wasting my money on agents and lawyers to deal with my contract. I should just bring you in for negotiation time!

Shamrock: I'll be your little prop man there for negotiations.

Harris: That's all I need. I think that's a great idea for anybody going into negotiations, "Hi, boss! How are you today? Who's that over in the corner? Oh, you know Ken, the World's Most Dangerous Man?"

Shamrock: He's my new agent.

Harris: That's right.

Shamrock: Although, you know Paul, I would have to take 50% of your money.

Harris: You know Ken, if you wanted 50%, then I'm sure you could take 50%. But tell me how you got started in this. Were you just hanging around? What were you doing before you became an ultimate fighting guy?

Shamrock: I worked in a group home for kids who are in trouble. That's basically where I came from also. I help kids come out of trouble, because I've been there and I know what they are thinking and so I helped them through that, with my dad, and I got this opportunity. I fought in Japan for 8 years.

Harris: Boxing?

Shamrock: No, actually, it was the same kind of event, just open hand strikes and grappling on the ground, and various martial arts kind of stuff. Then they started it here in the U.S. except with no rules except no eye gouging, and no biting. I sent in my application and they accepted me and I've done nothing except go up from there.

Harris: Did you win at the first one?

Shamrock: No, actually I lost and then I was at the party after the event, and I'm very driven, I like to be the best at what I do. But I remember standing at the after hours party and watching the winner. This guy and his wife do this special dance with everyone standing around watching and it was eating at me, because I knew my abilities and I knew that I could do better. And the whole time I was sitting there, I was saying, this will never ever happen again. And it hasn't.

Harris: You've never been beaten since then?

Shamrock: No.

Harris: And how many years has it been?

Shamrock: It's been four and a half years and about 27-30 fights.

Harris: Now, when you're in the ring and people are doing all these things except the eye gouging and the biting, can you kick the guy in the, uh...?

Shamrock: You never watched it? Oh man, check this out. That's like the prime spot everyone wants to hit. I remember one time, in one of my fights, I was backed up against the octagon. That's what they call it because its like a chain link fence. And this guy reared back and tried to hit me in the groin. But I'm smart, you see? I was wearing a steel cup, and this guy reared back and all I hear is clank, and owwwww!

Harris: Wouldn't everyone want to wear a steel cup?

Shamrock: Oh yeah, it's a special kind of cup, and when I fought over in Japan, that's what they use. It's a string tie and you tie it up real tight and so if the guy kicks you, it's steel and you won't get hurt. I just remember that clank and then I put him in a guillotine and proceded to choke him out.

Harris: That's brains, that's using your head.

Shamrock: Yeah, come on, hit me again!

Harris: And the next time he comes at you, you're wearing a spike down there. Take any shot you want.

Shamrock: Right.

Harris: So, it's just like ultimate fighting or it's WWF now?

Shamrock: WWF.

Harris: So, they have taken down the steel fence now?

Shamrock: Yeah, and I'm not wearing a steel cup, so no more groin shots.

Copyright 1997, Paul Harris.
Transcript by Phil Egenthal.