Jon Macks

Jon Macks and his fellow writers are still on strike, which means his only outlet for venting and joke-writing is his weekly segment on my KMOX show.

Today, we talked about the status of the strike, Carson Daly crossing the picket line, and the announcement that NBC has fired 120 of the people Jon worked with on the Leno show. We joked about his Thanksgiving trip to Tampa, and an election scandal in Thailand. Then I hit Jon with a Joke Challenge about a hospital where doctors keep operating on the wrong side of patients' brains (hey, it's not like this is brain surgery!).

Listen.

Upset Pick Update

When I picked the Packers + 7 @ the Cowboys tonight, I didn't know three things: 1) Brett Favre would leave the game injured and not return; 2) Charles Woodson wouldn't be in the Packers secondary; and 3) the officials would make some horrible calls, including that final pass-interference call against Green Bay that was clearly not interference. Final score: Cowboys 37, Packers 27.

This is the first game I've watched at length on NFL Network, and it became quickly apparent that Bryant Gumbel is horrible as a play-by-play man. The man uses the word "appears" about every two minutes ("it appears he has the first down," "it appears we have a flag on the field," "it appears the Packers have scored a touchdown," "it appears I'm still as much of a pompous ass as I always was").

As bad as Gumbel is, that's how good Cris Collinsworth is as an analyst. He makes great points, does a very good job of explaining why things happened, and doesn't hesistate to second-guess coaches, players, and officials. He deserves to be on the #1 team on a real network working with a real broadcaster.

With my prognosticating skills in a miserable slump, let's see if I can make up for it with another Upset Pick for Sunday. The Browns are in the playoff hunt and should beat the Cardinals, so I'll take the spread to win. Make it Cleveland +1 at Arizona.

Season record: 5-7-1

Worth A Link

• Channel 4 anchorman Larry Conners defends airing the Tony LaRussa DUI video: "How many who called about La Russa would be locked to the television and watching the video replay over and over or going to our website and seeing it numerous times if the DUI had involved Barry Bonds, a high ranking politician, a police chief and so forth?"
• If your daughter wants the new video game "Coolest Girl In School" for Christmas, read this before you buy it
• ZDNet has compiled a list of the Ten Worst IT Disasters of All Time
• Carey Greenberg-Berger on why dialing 911 on your Verizon cell phone could be dangerous

Online Stalking

Today on KMOX, I talked with Mike Price about his 18-year-old daughter Stefanie being stalked online by a boy from her high school (who she didn't even know). The boy posted between 500 and 1,000 disgusting messages on her MySpace page over the course of three months, even going so far as to tell her she should sleep with a gun at home because he was going to drug her, rape her, and kill her.

Mike and Cheri, Stefanie's parents, contacted the O'Fallon (MO) police, who tracked down the 16-year-old responsible for the threats. And what was his punishment? He pleaded guilty to ... wait for it ... littering (!). Mike says the O'Fallon prosecutor admitted to him that he hadn't even looked at the file before settling the case.

While not as tragic as the Megan Meier story, this is another example of the online harassment, stalking, and bullying that is becoming more and more common -- and a legal system that isn't keeping up with it. It's also a cautionary tale for parents who allow their teenagers to spend time on MySpace and other sites.

Listen.

LaRussa DUI Video

Today on KMOX, I talked with Mike Boland of MADD about the Tony LaRussa DUI arrest video (which you can watch here)

LaRussa, the longtime Cardinals manager, pleaded guilty yesterday -- or rather, his attorney did the paperwork in Florida while Tony was here in St. Louis for a Joe Buck roast. As punishment, he will have to go to DUI school, empty his checkbook for the huge amount of $678.50. and do 25 hours of community service, which he can cover at his own Animal Rescue League organization if he likes.

Boland feels that's not enough, even though it's standard for first-time DUI convictions. Boland wants legislation that would put a mandatory ignition-interlock on the car of offenders, and he wants LaRussa to record a video announcement that would be shown on the Jumbotron at Busch Stadium during all Cardinals home games, reminding people not to make the mistake he made and use a designated driver.

Listen.

Upset Pick, Week 13

I'm hoping for a great game tonight between the Packers and Cowboys. It should be close, so I'm happy to have the seven points, plus a veteran QB who knows how to win under pressure. Take Green Bay +7 at Dallas.

Season record: 5-6-1.

Tipping Point

Mike Barnes contributed the link to this video, a commercial that takes the concept of toppling dominoes through an entire town and an ever-changing line of objects...

Another Movie You Might Not Know

I'm sitting here watching a movie I'm pretty sure was not released theatrically, at least not in most American cities. It's called "Stephen Tobolowsky's Birthday Party," and I have just added it to the Movies You Might Not Know list.

Tobolowsky is an actor whose name you don't recognize, but whose face you've seen in over 100 movies and TV shows -- in fact, as I write this, he's listed 184 times on IMdB.com -- including "Groundhog Day," in which he played Ned Ryerson, the guy who pesters Bill Murray on the sidewalk.

He's also a hell of a storyteller, which is what he does in this movie. As he celebrates his birthday, Tobolowsky shares stories from his life, his career, and his relationships. He tells how he was named one of the 100 coolest people in LA by Buzz magazine (and lost to Andy Dick). He tells how he encountered a school of dolphins while swimming in the ocean. He tells how friends reacted when he told them he was going to be a father. He tells what happened when someone slipped LSD into everyone's drinks at a party.

Then he tells what it was like playing the head Klansman in "Mississippi Burning," giving a speech in front of a crowd of extras who were really members of the Klan, and it's riveting.

As you -- and the group of friends assembled at his house -- listen to him talk, you get drawn in, and don't want him to stop. Considering Tobolowsky is pretty much the only person who speaks for 87 minutes, that's quite an accomplishment.

Rich Eisen, Total Access

Today on KMOX, I talked with Rich Eisen, the lead man on NFL Network, who's in Dallas for the big Cowboys-Packers game tomorrow night.

In addition to that matchup, we discussed some stories from his new book, "Total Access," including the odd pre-game rituals of some players and how Marshall Faulk hazed him at the Pro Bowl. I also asked Eisen about the impact of Sean Taylor's murder (NFL Network has the Redskins game next Thursday) and whether the Patriots can complete a perfect season.

Listen.

Mizzou Commemorative Football

Here's that Mizzou commemorative football I just talked about on KMOX with Bob Ibach from Nikco Sports. They're selling them for $99, with a portion of the proceeds going to the Make A Wish Foundation.

Keith Olbermann vs. Marge Simpson

Keith Olbermann berates Marge Simpson for using her TiVo to skip commercials...

Worth A Link

• Stephen King jokes that Time should put Britney and Lindsay on its cover as "Persons Of The Year" to make a point about the difference between real news and fake news
• Joe Nocera explains why paying for cable channels a la carte would cost you more money and reduce your viewing options
• Howard Mortman on politicizing the murder of Sean Taylor
• Ken Jennings on schools and Wikipedia

A Whale Of A Name

Greenpeace asked online voters to help choose a name for a whale. Among the top vote-getters are Libertad, Aiko, and Mira, with less than 5% each -- but way ahead in the results column, with 66% of the votes, is Mister Splashy Pants!

Penn & Teller & Flag

Here's a trick Penn & Teller put into their Rio act not long after the 9/11 attacks, to make some very important points about freedom, the flag, and the Bill of Rights...

A few months later (on 12/8/04), P&T did a version of the flag trick on a sixth-season episode of "The West Wing," and pushed the point even further (thanks to Penn's friendship with "WW" producer Lawrence O'Donnell)...

Aaron Barnhart on TV

Today on KMOX, Aaron Barnhart and I talked about the status of the writers strike as negotiations resume with the producers. He also previewed a Don Rickles documentary coming up Sunday on HBO, and explained why lots of NFL fans will be disappointed Thursday night when the Packers play the Cowboys. And we spent exactly two sentences on the "Dancing With The Stars" finale. Listen.

You'll find Aaron in print in the Kansas City Star and online at his TV Barn website. He's on my KMOX show every Monday at 4:15pm CT.

Fighting Truancy In Court

Judge Duane Bailey of Madison County (IL) was on my KMOX show this afternoon to talk about a new program he and his colleagues have developed for dealing with kids who don't go to school.

Explaining that "being punitive doesn't help," Bailey says this program is for hardcore truants who have missed 10% of the school year. The program offers kids an option. They either go back to school, and show improvement in their grades over a 12-week period, or take the community service option and do some manual labor. The first alternative includes assistance in the form of tutoring and discovering what's making the kid miss school in the first place, from drugs to bullying to whatever. It also involves the parents, who are often happy to have an authority figure like Bailey help them deal with this issue.

Bailey says the idea is to have the courts deal with kids this way, rather than having to deal with them later when they're arrested for petty (and often not-so-petty) crimes, beginning a lifetime relationship with the criminal justice system.

Listen.

The Family Ombudswoman

It's sad, but I expect a big company to put me through customer service voice-tree hell when I call for help. Still, our dealings with AT&T this weekend were ridiculous.

Our latest bill came on Friday, and was approximately triple last month's bill. We have a combined bill for our home service, DSL, cell phones, and Dish Network, and it seemed that the cell phone charges were suddenly sky-high.

So I called the customer service number on our bill and got that perky automated voice that demanded my cell number and other information, then gave me several options to choose from, none of which got me through to an actual human being, until about the 9th layer of Dante's Phone Tree. That person looked up my information and said that my account was paid up in full. I countered that I had a bill in front of me that said otherwise. She said, "Well, we don't have anything like that on my screen. Maybe you should talk to Accounts Receivable."

Before I could object, she patched me through to what should have been another human being, but turned out to be another robotic phone tree voice, which informed me that a customer service representative would be "happy" to help me after a wait of six minutes. Even though I know that "happy to help" is a euphemism for "underpaid, bitter, and hoping not to have the job outsourced to India," I had no choice. I put the speaker phone on and spent the time answering my e-mail.

When a human person finally picked up the line (after, ahem, eight minutes), she told me that she couldn't help me because she only worked for AT&T Wireless, and this was a matter for the people in the Combined Billing department. Before the first of several profanities could work their way from my brain to my lips, I was back on hold, being transferred to yet another person. Fortunately, the third human came on the line relatively quickly, only to tell me that the problem was obviously in their cell phone division and that, if I'd be kind enough (!) to hold, she'd connect me to someone there who could help me. I didn't even bother suppressing my chortle.

By this point, I was convinced that I was talking to people in adjacent cubicles of the same office who had decided that, in return for being forced to work on a holiday weekend, were determined to take it out on anyone foolish enough to call and require assistance of any kind. Well, you know what happened next. The fourth person I was transferred to, from the cell phone division, told me the exact same thing the first person I had spoken to had told me ("we don't have any charges like that on our screen").

It was at this point that I slammed down the phone and asked my wife to deal with it. It's not that she's more patient than I am -- it's that I simply can't fathom how several people who work for the same company's customer service department can not only offer absolutely no service, but also have completely different information about my account and refuse to believe that my complaint is valid. Because I'm the kind of person with so much free time that I think it's hysterical to create phony scenarios with bogus billing data to see how they'll react.

My wife, on the other hand, knows these situations well. I call her our Family Ombudswoman.

She once got a case of Ragu spaghetti sauce sent to our home because they had changed the recipe of our favorite sauce. I have invoked her name with store clerks who wouldn't take back an item, telling them they had two choices: accept the return and give me a refund, or deal with my wife later, in which case they'd end up accepting the return and giving me a refund. The woman once got an entire new high-chair delivered to our doorstep because the one she'd bought in the store had a small rip in the fabric.

So I knew she could bring AT&T to its knees, or at least get an explanation of what the hell was going on with our phone bill. And she would do it by getting to the first person, and then making him stay on the line and fix this, no matter how long it took or how many supervisors had to be dragged into the conversation, without being transferred all over AT&T-land.

The end result? It took almost an hour, but she finally uncovered the truth. It turned out that AT&T hadn't billed us for our cell phone service for several months -- since I bought my iPhone and began Combined Billing. So the charges are accurate, and we really do owe the amount on our bill, contrary to what some of their own employees see on their computer screens.

That's fine. I don't mind paying for services I signed up for and use (the miscellaneous fees and taxes that are tacked on are a whole other argument), so we'll gladly pay the bill. But I know we're not alone in our frustration with this and other customer service departments. If your company writes "Question about your bill? Call this 800 number" on the invoice, then it is shameful to force your customers to go through this obstacle course of non-assistance.

After all, not everyone is married to The Family Ombudswoman.

Speechless

The WGA has put together a series of short videos with "Speechless" celebrities to show the effect of the writers strike on the creative process. Among the best are this one with David Schwimmer and Kate Beckinsale and this one with Jeff Garlin.

The shorts were conceived by St. Louisan George Hickenlooper and his team. Nikki Finke has all ten on her site.

Upset Pick Falls Under .500

NFL games are becoming like poker bad beats -- you're doing everything right and way in the lead until the last minute of play or the last card, when your opponent pulls off an improbable victory.

That's the story of my Upset Pick gone wrong today. The Broncos were up by two touchdowns with just a few minutes to play, but they made enough mistakes (like kicking right to Devin Hester, even after he'd returned a punt for a TD) to let the Bears catch up and tie them before the end of regulation, then drive down the field and kick the winning field goal.

I had the Broncos +2, they lost by 3, 37-34. My season record falls to 5-6-1.

Argh!

Marisa Tomei

Marisa Tomei is still amazingly hot.

I just saw "Before The Devil Knows You're Dead." It features terrific performances by Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, and Albert Finney, well directed by Sidney Lumet. Since Tomei's character is married to Hoffman and having an affair with Hawke, we get to see quite a few scenes of her topless, and I have to say that, at 43 years old, she looks remarkable.

When I mentioned this to my wife, she replied, "Well, sure, she probably has her own trainer and nutritionist, not to mention some work done."

That's not the point. The point is that Marisa Tomei is still amazingly hot.

Football Giants

It is no longer permissable for anyone to refer to Eli Manning's team as "The New York Football Giants."

It has been two generations since the baseball Giants left New York for San Francisco. The only other sports teams in New York that call themselves the Giants are in youth leagues, and we know we're not watching them during NFL coverage or SportsCenter. Yes, Chris Berman is responsible for this, but even he seems to have knocked it off, or at least toned it down, while other announcers keep this ridiculous phrase alive (as Matt Vasgersian just did on Fox a few minutes ago).

Stop it. It sounds as idiotic as referring to Tony LaRussa and the St. Louis Baseball Cardinals.

Worth A Link

A little bonus reading while you're waiting for the turkey to cook and the family to stop arguing for just a minute or two...

• Alan Sepinwall handicaps the remaining doctors on "House"
• Ken Jennings on chunky corporate logos of the 70s
• Phil Plait on why NASA is not a waste of time and money
• David Weigel on banning text messaging while driving
• Paula Simons says, "If my bra is a threat to national security, we're in big trouble"

St. Louis Sports Arguments

• Who is the best Cardinals manager of all time, Tony LaRussa or Whitey Herzog?
• Who was more responsible for the Rams' Super Bowl victory, Dick Vermeil or Mike Martz?
• Should Stan Musial have a better statue outside Busch Stadium?

These are some of the questions Bryan Burwell asks in his new book, "The Best St. Louis Sports Arguments: The 100 Most Controversial, Debatable Questions for Die Hard Fans." He was in the studio with me this afternoon on KMOX to answer those questions and talk about Mizzou's chances of making the BCS Championship Game, whether Major League Baseball should use instant replay, and more. Listen.


Read Burwell's columns in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

James Lipton, Inside The Actor's Studio

James Lipton, host of "Inside The Actor's Studio," was on my KMOX show this afternoon, promoting his book, "Inside Inside."

We talked about the actors who have impressed him most, the actresses who don't believe they're beautiful, the episode in which Elton John wrote a song on the spot, what brings on those emotional moments with his guests, and other highlights from his show.

I didn't ask Lipton about Will Ferrell's impression of him, but we got to a couple of stories from his life that you probably don't know -- Lipton's days as a pimp in Paris, and how his wife ended up as Miss Scarlet in the board game Clue.

Listen.

Upset Pick, Week 12

I'll try to get back over .500 this week, but I won't touch any of the Thanksgiving games. Instead, I like the Broncos to beat the Bears straight up, so I like them even more with the points. Take Denver + 2 at Chicago.

Season record: 5-5-1.

Man Of The Year?

Howard Mortman predicts we'll see a magazine cover that looks like this next month...

Joe Calls 911, Then Kills Next Door Burglars

On my KMOX show right now, we're talking about the Texas man who took the law into his own hands when he saw his neighbor's house being robbed.

Joe Horn called 911 and described what he was seeing, saying he had a shotgun and asking if he should go outside and deal with the burglars. The police dispatcher told him -- repeatedly -- not to go outside under any circumstances. When Joe saw the burglars leaving the neighbor's house with a bag of "loot," he told the dispatcher he was going to kill them. Then he did.

You can hear the entire 911 call and read more about the story here before adding your comments below.

Lesley Stahl's Sandwich

Several listeners have demanded that I post the audio from yesterday's KMOX show of me making fun of Lesley Stahl, because of something ludicrous in her report on "60 Minutes" about forcing fast food outlets to post calorie counts on their menu boards.

In that piece, she went into a Subway restaurant (with their head of marketing) and ordered a sandwich. It became immediately apparent that Stahl had never been in a Subway before, wasn't familiar with the concept of ordering her own sandwich, and that even the simplest arithmetic was beyond her.

I could go on and on about it here, but it's better if you just listen (trust me!).

Signing On

This morning's POTD contribution is from Jim Clarida, who e-mails,

Last month or so, you had a show about Generation Y, the class of 2011, who were born in 1989. You read a list of items these kids would not remember because they are too young. One was television stations going off the air. Well, after reviewing some old tapes from my 80's childhood (I'm in my 30s now), I found a recording I have of KTVI coming on the air. It was actually recorded because KTVI used to air "KidSongs" at 6 AM on Saturday mornings, so I set my VCR for a few minutes before 6, and was able to record them coming on the air. Check it out, and enjoy the 1980's!

Thanksgiving Media Memo

To: All News Outlets
Fr: Media Control Central
Re: Stories That Must Be Done During Thanksgiving Week

Monday: Do's & Don'ts of Holiday Travel. Include important things that the public can't figure out on its own, like a reminder of how to pack clothes neatly in a suitcase.

Tuesday: Deep Fryer Turkey Scare Stories. Dig up video of that guy from last year who burned down his house and ruined the family get-together.

Wednesday: Live Shots From The Airport. Start this at 5am, and keep doing it until there actually is a crowd of anxious travelers lined up out the door. Do not mention that a great deal of their anxiety came from getting around the many live trucks blocking traffic outside the terminal.

Thursday: Parade. Include not just the local Thanksgiving parade, but also interviews with a few people who have to make a last minute run to the supermarket because they forgot cranberry sauce. Also report on how much more this year's average Thanksgiving meal costs, and interview the Butterball Hotline lady (who has likely been outsourced to Bangalore, India).

Friday: Busiest Shopping Day Of The Year. It doesn't matter that today is not the busiest shopping day of the year -- that's always the last Saturday before Christmas, because that's when men finally remember they have to buy something for their wife, who bought gifts for the rest of the family back around Halloween -- play up the hype, especially for your advertisers.

Saturday: Retailers Report. Based on exactly one day of shopping, but hundreds of analysts making predictions, report that retailers are having a tough holiday shopping season.

Sunday: Back To The Airport. Remind the public that if they haven't left for the airport already, they're screwed.

Monday: They're Dead. Report the number of people who died on the road during the holiday weekend, and how high gas prices didn't seem to keep Americans from traveling long distances to eat and argue with their families.

Future File (Upcoming Stories To Work On):

• Fire hazards of Christmas trees.
• Increased popularity of online shopping.
• Find a Jewish family that can explain Hanukkah.

Frank Caliendo

You may have seen the promos for "Frank TV" during TBS' baseball playoffs coverage -- ten second snippets of Frank Caliendo as various famous people. "Frank TV" will debut tomorrow night, so I invited him back to my KMOX show this afternoon to talk about it.

He says he's got a "Seinfeld" parody in which he plays all four characters, and since this is Thanksgiving week, John Madden will make an appearance, too, probably with a turducken recipe. I asked Frank what impact the writers strike is having on his series, and whether he's working up impressions of any of the presidential candidates for next year (in case the show gets picked up after these five episodes).

Listen.

Here's Frank's website. His standup special "Frank Caliendo: All Over The Place" will rerun Wednesday night (11/21).

Aaron Barnhart on TV

Today on KMOX, I talked with Aaron Barnhart about Jimmy Kimmel hosting the American Music Awards last night without a monologue because of the writers strike, and what the prospects are for ending that strike. We also talked about Frank Caliendo's sketch show, which debuts tomorrow night on TBS, the season finale of "Weeds" tonight, and the lame lineup NBC has announced for "Celebrity Apprentice."

Listen.

You'll find Aaron in print in the Kansas City Star and online at his TV Barn website. He's on my KMOX show every Monday at 4:15pm CT.

No Cards For Walter Reed

Every day for the last two weeks, dozens of listeners have sent me an e-mail that's been going around the internet, asking that I please plug it on both my KMOX show and this website. As always, those who have forwarded it have done so without checking to see if it's for real.

The e-mail in question this time is the one asking people to send holiday cards to recovering soldiers at Walter Reed Army Hospital. It sounds like a good cause, but there's a good reason for my refusal to broadcast it: Walter Reed won't accept those cards, and they won't actually go to a soldier -- any soldier.

Here's the hospital's official statement...

Walter Reed Army Medical Center officials want to remind those individuals who want to show their appreciation through mail to include packages, letters, and holiday cards addressed to 'Any Wounded Soldier' or 'A Recovering American Soldier' that Walter Reed cannot accept these packages in support of the decision by then Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Transportation Policy in 2001. This decision was made to ensure the safety and well being of patients and staff at medical centers throughout the Department of Defense.

In addition, the U.S. Postal Service is no longer accepting "Any Service Member" or "A Recovering American Soldier" letters or packages. Mail to "Any Service Member" that is deposited into a collection box will not be delivered.

Instead of sending an “Any Wounded Soldier” letter or package to Walter Reed, please consider making a donation to one of the more than 300 nonprofit organizations dedicated to helping our troops and their families listed on the "America Supports You" website.

Cold Beer, Really Fast

This guy is going to be a millionaire.

Mythbusters Blown Away

The latest episode of "Mythbusters" was a two-hour supersized special in which they tested bigger myths, like the one about a taxi blown away by the exhaust of a jet engine.

They tried to do this one a couple of years ago, but couldn't get a big jet (or permission to do the stunt). This time, Kari, Grant, and Tory not only tested the myth on a cab, but also on a school bus and a light plane. This runs about 10 minutes, but is worth it for the vehicular carnage...

Here's my interview with "Mythbusters" co-star Adam Savage from earlier this year.

Worth A Link, TV Edition

• Rachel Sklar on this weekend's "Saturday Night Live" episode -- not the rerun that NBC aired, but a new, live show produced by the writers and entire cast at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York as a benefit for the crew members who have been temporarily laid off during the writers strike.
• As Borders announces that they're installing flat-screen TVs in their stores to show ads, news, and original programming, Allison Wood rails against the annoying practice of putting TVs everywhere we go, from retail outlets to the post office to gas pumps: "Here's a news flash: just because we have the technology—and a 24/7 font of information—does not mean we have to infuse it into every last molecule of available time."
• Virginia Heffernan on the DVDs of the early seasons of"Sesame Street," which come with a warning: “These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

Upset Pick, So Close

If I had made my Upset Pick on Tuesday, I would have gotten the Dolphins plus ten and a half points, which would have covered the spread in today's game. By Thursday, the line had dropped to nine and a half points, which made me a loser. Argh!

Final score: Philadelphia 17, Miami 7. My season record: 5-5-1.

Worth A Link

• Walter Shapiro on Hillary Clinton's claim that she is ready to do the job of President "on day one," and Chris Dodd's rebuttal: "Anybody who stands before you and says, 'I'm ready to do the job on Day 1' ought to be disqualified. This is unique, this job. [When] you can sit behind the desk in the Oval Office, you can be better prepared and I believe I am. But you can't be totally prepared for this."
• Michael D. Shear on John McCain's claim that, if elected President, he'd reject Secret Service protection
• Robert Weintraub on why so many NFL games suck this season, and how to to fix them.

Jon Macks, Still On Strike

Comedy writer Jon Macks is still on strike from "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," but he checked in on my KMOX show this afternoon, to report on how things are going on the picket line (with presidential candidate John Edwards as special guest). Since Jon doesn't have the monologue as an outlet for the jokes filling his brain, he did some riffing on Michael Jordan's divorce, Barry Bonds' indictment, Lindsay Lohan's jail stay, and more. Listen.

Upset Pick, Week 11

This is a week I normally would not make a pick. There's just no game that jumps right out and says "I'm the one, go with me!" However, I vowed to make an upset pick every week this season, regardless, so why not go way out on a limb?

Under normal conditions, I recommend betting against a rookie quarterback (the Patrick Ramsey Rule), and would usually stay away from the worst team in the league. But since I'm out on this limb, let's step out even further and see if a little twig will hold me up. I'm going with the Dolphins -- not to chalk up their first win of the season, but to cover the spread.

Take Miami +9.5 vs Philadelphia. Season Record: 5-4-1.

William Cohen "Dragon Fire"

William Cohen, former US Senator and Secretary of Defense, was back on my KMOX show this afternoon to talk about his novel, "Dragon Fire."

We also discussed Congress' reluctance to approve more money for the war without wording about withdrawing troops, and what that will mean going forward. Then we talked about Gen. George Casey's comments that the Army is "out of balance" and stretched too thin, the IAEA's report this week on Iran's nuclear capabilities, the volatile situation in Pakistan, and more.

Listen.

Mutant Kermit

The chef in a Chinese restaurant went to a market to buy some frogs, but when he got to work and checked them out, he noticed something odd about one of them -- it has six legs...