In Scott McClellan's book, "What Happened," he recounts a story from the campaign trail in 1999-2000, when Bush was being dogged by reports that he'd used cocaine when he was younger. In a hotel suite one night, McClellan says he overheard Bush talking with a supporter:"The media won't let go of these ridiculous cocaine rumors," I heard Bush say. "You know the truth is, I honestly don't remember whether I tried it or not. We had some pretty wild parties back in the day, and I just don't remember."
If McClellan's memory is correct, then Bush is full of it.
I say that as a guy who partied pretty hard when I was younger. In college, I was a major pot-head. I also used cocaine -- exactly twice. The first time, I was already stoned, and the coke had no affect on me. The second time was different. It made me forget how to swallow.
No, really. My brain couldn't send the right impulses to my throat to get me to swallow. It was annoying as hell, as I had to keep getting up every few minutes to go spit out the saliva that had collected in my mouth.
At the time, I was just starting my commercial radio career -- after several years behind the mike in high school and college -- and it occurred to me that, in this profession, losing control of my throat was not a good idea. It scared me enough that I swore I would never use coke again (a friend from those days jokes that it was around that time I started drinking Pepsi exclusively).
The point is that, despite "some pretty wild parties," I still have a vivid memory of using that particular drug. I remember what I ingested. I may not be able to quantify the amount of marijuana I rolled, bonged, or cooked into brownies, but know and admit that I used it. I also know that after Halloween 1978 I quit using it altogether, cold turkey.
More importantly, almost 30 years later, I remember what I didn't do. Never took a hit of LSD. Never did heroin. Never ate magic mushrooms.
So I find it nearly impossible to believe that Bush can't remember whether he tried cocaine. That's as lame as Clinton's claim that he tried marijuana but "didn't inhale."
Both are patently dishonest, cynical, purely political answers. They are concerned with what the public might think, but neglect to acknowledge that so many other baby boomers -- like them, like me -- had similar experiences.
As long as we've put them all behind, no one should hold them against us. Unless we're liars.
Friday, May 30, 2008
White Lie
That's What Uniform Means
In Chardon, Ohio, two students are refusing to wear the cap and gown at graduation, so the schools says they can't walk on stage with the other graduates.
It's turned into an ugly issue because the two boys want to wear their military uniforms on stage instead -- Will McDonnell is a Marine and Tony Workman is an Army National Guardsman. The boys say they will wear their uniforms, and if they can't pick up their diplomas on stage, they'll just stand at their seats when their names are called.
The boys' families are appalled at the school's decision, and have pushed the issue in the press. That brought all the usual suspects out of the woodwork to criticize the principal, Doug Delong, claiming he's "unpatriotic," or hates the military, or whatever fits their narrow-minded agendas. To the contrary, Delong is preserving respect for the school's rules -- if he lets Will and Tony skip the cap and gown, he'll set a precedent for other kids to wear whatever they want -- and he's gone out of his way to devise a plan that includes honoring the boys for joining our armed forces.
Here's the school district's official release:The Chardon Schools have recently been the subject of news stories for upholding the High School’s tradition of donning a cap and gown to receive a high school diploma. Two students who have recently completed military boot camp have challenged this decision.
When I discussed this on WBT last night, most of the callers agreed that the school administration is handling this in just the right way.
When this issue was first brought to our attention we developed a compromise that would allow these two young men to be honored as members of our nation’s military and as graduating seniors of the Chardon High School class of 2008.The plan was that the two graduating seniors would join the official Color Guard in their full military uniform and lead the graduation processional into the ceremony. After the salute to our Nation’s flag they would be introduced and recognized for their military accomplishments. They would then join their fellow classmates in cap and gown to be honored for their educational achievements.
This would allow these two individuals to be honored for their separate achievements, while at the same time providing for the traditional observation of wearing a cap and gown to receive a diploma.
This practice has long been a show of respect to fellow classmates, teachers, parents, and the community that has provided them with a public education.
It is unfortunate that this compromise has been viewed by some as being unpatriotic. This was not the intent.
We believe that wearing your school’s cap and gown to receive your diploma is a show of respect to your school, fellow classmates, and for the public education you have been privileged to receive.
One caller, however, debated the notion of honoring Will and Tony's "military achievements" at all: "What have they achieved? So far, all they've done is survived boot camp. It's not like they've done an extended tour in Iraq, or put in a decade of service."
Apparently, there's something these two didn't learn in boot camp -- do what you're told to do. I'm not saying you shouldn't question authority, but you have to be willing to accept the consequences. Moreover, the concept works better in civilian life, where the penalties are much less harsh than in the military, which tends to frown on anyone refusing to follow the rules.
After graduation, when they report for duty, let's see how well it works out when Will and Tony tell their platoon leader that they want to make their own fashion choices.
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include a man willing to pay the woman he marries $5,000, a referee who got in trouble for changing his mind on a call, and a thief who pretended to be a 7-11 clerk.
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Thursday, May 29, 2008
I'm on WBT Again Today
I'm back on WBT/Charlotte today from 5-8pm CT, hosting The John Hancock Show. You can listen live here.
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include a wedding with too much sparkle, a theft at the car wash, and a man with maid trouble.
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IQ Test
Here's a handy time-waster around the office -- a quick IQ test, which you'll want to try again and again [thanks to Stuart Snyder for the link]
Pain At The Pump
Singer-songwriter Brent Burns is responsible for this low-tech ditty about gas prices...
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Man Who Won't Be Prez
Bob Barr will not be President of the United States.
The former congressman from Georgia became the nominee of the Libertarian Party this weekend, and proclaimed himself a "competitor" who's "in it to win it." But he has to know that he has no chance of winning it.
Although I'm happy to see a candidate willing to speak out on civil liberties issues -- particularly Barr's change of mind regarding the Patriot Act, Don't Ask Don't Tell, and the Failed War On Drugs -- the fact is that no third-party candidate has a chance of beating the Democrat and Republican in the race, regardless of who they are.
The reason is simple: money.
While Barr may have the support of the Reason magazine crowd, he'll never raise the tens of millions of dollars necessary to truly compete on a national scale, and without that, he won't be able to buy anywhere near the huge amounts of television and radio time that Obama and McCain will. He also won't get the platform to challenge them during the debates unless he garners enough support to cross the 15% threshold in national polls, which no candidate from outside the Big Two Parties has done since Ross Perot.
Barr says, "I certainly have no intention of being a spoiler," but that may be exactly the role he ends up playing. In a race between two candidates who claim to appeal to independents, and who will depend on them for the swing votes so crucial to the race, Barr could attract a few percentage points worth of votes. If that support comes from divided Republicans who don't want to hold their nose and vote for their party's standard-bearer, he may have the same affect on McCain as Ralph Nader did on Al Gore in 2000 -- just enough of a distracting nuisance to decide the whole thing, if it's close.
The problem with third-party candidates is that they appeal to disaffected voters with widely varying agendas, who tend not to vote with any single voice. It'll be interesting to see how Barr's core conservatism meshes with the Libertarian movement, and whether its followers will become his followers.
At the very least, Barr may serve as the voice for a growing number of Americans who still want less nanny government, less fundamentalist intrusion on our lives, better protections for our civil liberties, and respect for The Bill Of Rights above all else.
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include a customs officer who hid something in a suitcase and then couldn't find it, a man in love with a voice mail voice, and a teacher's stolen iPhone.
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Dinner In The Sky
You know you have too much money when...you go out to dinner, sit down at the table, are strapped into your chair, and the whole thing is lifted into the air about five stories for Dinner In The Sky.
Make sure you tell them about your special order ahead of time, because once the crane takes you up, they can't just run to the kitchen and tell the chef (oh, and if you need to go to the bathroom, everyone has to go to the bathroom!).
[thanks to Sharon Maddux for the link]
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include an unusual baseball trade, a double DUI offender, and a woman who gave some wolf-whistling construction workers what they wanted.
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Weezer's YouTube Tribute
Leave it to Weezer to celebrate viral videos. In the video for their new song, "Pork and Beans," the band gathered YouTube stars like the "Leave Britney Alone" guy, Miss South Carolina, T-Shirt Record Boy, and others you'll recognize...
Monday, May 26, 2008
Back on WBT Today
I'm back on WBT/Charlotte today from 5-8pm CT, hosting The John Hancock Show. You can listen live here.
Back on WGST This Morning
I'm on WGST/Atlanta again this morning from 5-8am CT, filling in for Randy Cook on The Morning Drive. You can listen live here.
Friday, May 23, 2008
I'm on WGST Today
I'm on WGST/Atlanta this morning from 5-8am CT, filling in for Randy Cook on The Morning Drive. You can listen live here.
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include a cursing parrot, a lying suspect, and a guy who doesn't know the difference between a taxi and a police car.
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How I Spent My Stimulus Check
Here's a site where Americans explain what they did with that government check that's supposed to save our economy.
This guy says he spent his on "Lots of weeners [sic] and lighter fluid. Oh, and some whiskey and cigarettes." [thanks to Stuart for the link]
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories all involve animals -- a donkey that was thrown in jail, a bear gnawing on a man's head, and a parrot that knows its home address.
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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
TV Winners and Losers
In today's podcast, I talked with TV critic Aaron Barnhart about last night's "American Idol" finale, with its ludicrous boxing theme and obvious win for David Archuleta over David Cook (Oops! Cook actually won by some 12 million votes! Have they started the suicide watch for stage dad Jeff Archuleta?). Then, with the traditional TV season coming to a close, we discussed which shows came out on top in the ratings, and more.
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Get more HD channels than cable and save money, too!
Call Digital Blue right now at 314-664-0500.
You'll find Aaron in print in the Kansas City Star and online at TVBarn.com.
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include a convenience store trade, a strip club daddy, and the reason why carving knives are not allowed in the bedroom.
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Where News Breaks
Why is a water main break in New York a national news story, but if it happens in small town America, it barely gets noticed? Because that's where Big Media is located, and they pay a lot more attention to their own backyards than yours.
Check this "Where News Breaks" graphic from the people at Strange Maps. On the top is your basic map of the US. On the bottom is a map showing the proportional coverage of news from the various states, based on 72,000 wire service stories in the 1990s.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Priorities, OK?
I was in Oklahoma this weekend and stayed in a hotel that delivered a copy of Tulsa World to every room each morning. On Sunday, two items in the paper's Opinion section caught my eye because they were such polar opposites when it comes to the priorities of issues that Americans care about. As these data show, Oklahoma is just not a place where the prevention philosophy has caught on in a big way. That's too bad. The results often are costly, and sometimes even tragic. We could, and should do better.
The front page story, by Associate Editor Janet Pearson, was about a new report from the state's Department of Health on a wide range of public health issues -- in particular, preventing unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Her piece illustrates how Oklahomans have a long way to go in both categories.
Pearson reported on the data, which shows: only 13.5% of new mothers received any type of counseling or advice to prepare for becoming pregnant; that STDs like chlamydia are rampant across the state, especially among young people; that 12,000 Oklahoma women are the victims of sexual violence every year; and on and on.
She implores the public to get better educated on these matters, to make sure their children are exposed to the vital scientific information they need, and that prevention programs should be better funded. She concludes:
It would be nice to think that Tulsa World's readers will heed Pearson's warnings, understand the importance of her piece, and take it to heart, but it seems they have other things to worry about.
Case in point...on the very next page of Sunday's Opinion section were several letters to the editor. In the leadoff spot -- where you'd expect the most vital issues of the day to be addressed -- was a letter from reader Kevin Peters, who was upset that he had taken his daughter to a movie theater and was horrified to see, during the string of trailers and pre-show ads, a commercial for Oreos in which the people on screen were speaking Spanish, with English subtitles. He wrote:
Think about this for a moment. This was such a major issue to Peters that he had to share his anger with the world (or at least the Tulsa World). I'm guessing that Peters didn't object when that same theatre showed movies with subtitles -- and I'm not just referring to foreign films, but American classics like Costner's "Dances With Wolves," Spielberg's "Schindler's List," and Eastwood's "Letters from Iwo Jima.""Excuse me, but this is America. I found it distasteful and ludicrous that I, a 55-year-old American, should have to read an ad for Oreos because I couldn't understand the language on the screen. If my daughter had not been with me I would have demanded back the American tender I used to purchase our tickets.... I have bought my last Nabisco product. We have servicemen and women dying everyday for this country and Nabisco cares more about its profits than supporting the core values that make life in America worth living. Giving away our country, one cookie at a time, is not one of those values."
Is Peters really that insecure an American that he can't stand to hear non-English speaking characters in a cookie commercial? Apparently, he is, and I guarantee you that there are many others who agree with him, and think something should be done about it.
Perhaps the Oklahoma legislature should spend some valuable time working on El Cookie Controversy instead of the public health crisis the state is mired in. Give the voters what they want -- more misplaced priorities.
Idol Finale
Among his limited range of cliches, Randy Jackson once again invoked his tired line "Dude, you can sing the phone book" on tonight's "American Idol" finale. He's now said it in the last few weeks to both David Cook and David Archuleta. Hopefully, when they go on the Idols tour this summer, there will be a radio or TV host somewhere smart enough to actually challenge one or both of these guys to sing from the Yellow Pages.
As for the competition, while David Cook will undoubtedly have the better career boost from the show, it'll take him a lot to overcome Archuleta's teen fan base after the latter's reprise of "Imagine" to close the show.
Jeopardy!
If you enjoy really good contestants on "Jeopardy," set the DVR for this week.
Today's champion was a grad student from California named Larissa Kelly, who racked up an amazing $45,200 in one day. She's the most soft-spoken contestant I've ever seen on the show, but she's gutsy, too. She wagered $8,000 on a Daily Double in a General Science category ("The IRAS telescope, which revealed 5 new comets, made its observations in this part of the light spectrum") and then $7,000 on a DD in Shakespearean Phrases ("A wife tries to console her husband in this tragedy by telling him, 'What's done is done'") and nailed both of them.
Whether she'll be the female Ken Jennings remains to be seen (she only has to win 74 more times to be in his league), but she's certainly impressive. Interestingly, Larissa's sister Adrianna was a "Jeopardy" contestant just a few months ago.
FYI, the Daily Double answers were "What is infrared?" and "What is Macbeth?"
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include a guy who put his nozzle in the wrong hole, a teenager going wild with dad's credit card, and another head-scratching con job.
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And Then She Hit Him
The LA Times website has a section called ICU, where people talk about missed connections. In this case, a 28-year-old woman didn't miss the connection -- she hit him with her car (note that he was not the first guy she'd run over)...
Monday, May 19, 2008
Knuckleheads In The News ®
That sticky picture fits one of the stories in today's podcast, along with a woman who was shocked to uncover the truth about her husband, and a war veteran with trash problems.
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Friday, May 16, 2008
Knuckleheads In The News ®
That picture goes with one of the stories in today's podcast, along with a kid left behind at the airport, and a guy who wanted a big band on his wedding day.
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Thursday, May 15, 2008
It's 1867 All Over Again
In a fascinating op-ed piece, Diane Eickhoff (a/k/a Mrs. TV Barn) sees parallels between this year's historic Democratic primary battle and the post-Civil-War attempts to gain voting rights for blacks and women.
Diane's book, "Revolutionary Heart: The Life of Clarina Nichols And the Pioneering Crusade for Women's Rights," just went into its second printing.
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include a passenger forced to fly in an airplane bathroom, a driver who put seat belts on a case of beer, and a 51¢ property tax bill.
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Floating Staircase
Spanish designer Jordi Vayreda came up with this staircase that looks like it has no support [thanks to Michael Marquez for the link].
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Knuckleheads In The News ®
Today's stories include listening to the dead through your cell phone, a blind bowler's perfect game, and a woman who caught a thief via a remote hookup to her laptop.
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Subway Sardines
Next time you're going to complain about your ride to work, think of these Japanese commuters being literally crammed into a train [thanks to Robert Hart for the link]...
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Worth A Link
- Try this one at home: via BoingBoing, a 1939 marital rating scale for wives. She gets demerits for wearing red nail polish, failing to darn socks, or putting her cold feet on hubby at night to warm them. She gets credits for dressing for breakfast, letting her husband sleep late on holidays, and playing the violin.
- Hendrik Hertzberg has three stories from the Failed War On Drugs, including one about a man who was refused a spot on the liver transplant list until he completed a 60-day drug treatment class. The drug he was using? Medical marijuana. The 56-year-old man didn't need rehab, he needed a liver, but he didn't get one, and now he's dead.
- How do you go from being a manager at Home Depot to the new lead singer of a touring classic rock band?
- Nerve.com has compiled a list of the 50 Greatest Commercial Parodies. Most are from "SNL," but they included this one from Dave Chappelle's show, too.
- Drew Carey and Reason.tv did a "Footloose"-like piece recently on a restaurant in Arizona that got in trouble for allowing its customers to dance to pre-recorded music on the patio. Last week, a judge ruled against the local authorities and said the restaurant wasn't doing anything wrong.
- Remember that judge who lost his seat on the bench after filing a $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaner over a pair of lost pants? Now he's suing DC for $1 million, claiming he was wrongfully dismissed.
- How Dick Cavett beat the polygraph
Jon Stewart vs. Douglas Feith
From Monday's "Daily Show," Jon Stewart brilliantly dissembles the arguments of Douglas Feith (who was Rumsfeld's number two guy at the Pentagon) about the run-up to the Iraq war. Feith says they made "errors, not lies," but I've never heard him or anyone else in the administration apologize to the thousands of dead and injured. I also wish Stewart had challenged Feith to name one prediction he or his colleagues made about this war that turned out to be correct.
As Feith does his book tour, he's unlikely to encounter other interviewers who will challenge him on these points as well as Stewart does. The man knows his stuff, and anyone who writes off "The Daily Show" as a silly comedy show targeted to a young, uneducated demographic is seriously underestimating Stewart's talents. He and the show consistently see behind the phony veneer of politicians and media figures, and aren't afraid to say that the emperor is naked.
The interview comes in two parts...